Marriage and Its Discontents

This is a book about the dynamics of marriage, both as an institution and as represented in society. It is filled with rich clinical vignettes and robust theory to deepen our understanding of the nuances and variations of marriage and the ways clinicians can help the couple to salvage their relationship or part graciously when it fal

With contributions from Anne Adelman, Salman Akhtar, Shawn Blue, Ann Eichen, Arpana G. Inman, Sameer Khan, Olga Santa Maria, Andrew Smolar, and Pratyusha Tummala-Narra. The realm of marriage is affect-laden and challenging on many psychosocial fronts. What is the relationship between love, sex, and marriage? Is marriage a developmental landmark? Why do marriages fail? Is monogamy “natural”? What about bigamy and polygamy? There are many, many questions that arise about marriage and Marriage and Its Discontents seeks answers. The chapters cover topics that range from the normative to deeply worrisome, from customary to highly unusual, from rapture to rupture, from sacred to profane. The book opens with a wide-ranging Prologue by Ann Eichen. It is followed by the first part, “Variations,” which includes chapters on same-sex marriage and interracial and intercultural marriages. The second part, “Vexations,” has chapters on marriages that are designated as “perverse” or “dead.” The third and final part of the book, “Violations,” addresses the topics of marital infidelity and divorce. Closing the book is the Epilogue by Andrew Smolar, bringing his keen psychoanalytic attention to the matters of marital discord. The insight and knowledge imparted by these fascinating chapters enhances the readers’ empathy and affective attunement to the blend of conflict and bliss found in many marriages. It is essential reading for all practising clinicians and those looking for greater insight into the impact of marriage on individuals’ lives.

Acknowledgments 

About the editors and contributors 

Introduction 

Prologue

CHAPTER 1
What is marriage?
Ann Eichen

Part I: Variations

CHAPTER 2
Same sex marriage
Sameer Khan

CHAPTER 3
Interracial and intercultural marriage 
Pratyusha Tummala-Narra and Arpana G. Inman

Part II: Vexations

CHAPTER 4
Perverse marriage
Olga Santa Maria

CHAPTER 5
Dead marriage
Anne Adelman

Part III: Violations

CHAPTER 6
Infidelity 
Salman Akhtar

CHAPTER 7
Divorce 
Salman Akhtar and Shawn Blue

Epilogue

CHAPTER 8
Can a faltering marriage be saved? 
Andrew Smolar

References 

Index

• Edited by Salman Akhtar
• Edited by Ann Eichen
• Edited by Andrew Smolar

"Covering a wide terrain and myriad configurations of the marital relationship, this well put together book takes us on a rare sojourn of academic illumination, clinical wisdom, and near-sensual excitement. More importantly, the essays contained here provide us with a deeply humane and astutely empathic understanding of love, ambivalence, dependence, and sustained loyalty. A remarkable achievement indeed!"

— April Fallon, PhD, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Drexel University College of Medicine, Philadelphia

'This book addresses the ancient topic of marriage in an innovative, fresh, and original manner. It covers a wide range of marital configurations ranging from traditional, intercultural, interracial, same-sex, perverse, and dead marriages, as well as infidelity and divorce. The conceptual journey is deeply incisive, looking straight in the eyes at the myriad pleasurable and painful phenomena associated with marriage. The result is a true rarity: a serious professional book that is hard to put down!'

— Hanni Mann-Shalvi, PhD Training Psychoanalyst, Israeli Psychoanalytic Society, Tel Aviv, author of 'From Ultrasound to Army'

'Covering a wide terrain and myriad configurations of the marital relationship, this well put together book takes us on a rare sojourn of academic illumination, clinical wisdom, and near-sensual excitement. More importantly, the essays contained here provide us with a deeply humane and astutely empathic understanding of love, ambivalence, dependence, and sustained loyalty. A remarkable achievement indeed!'

— April Fallon, PhD, Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Drexel University College of Medicine, Philadelphia, co-author of 'The Impact of Parenthood on the Therapeutic Relationship'

'The external skin that supports, or fails to support, partners in navigating the often troubled waters of couple relationships can often be neglected by therapists as they focus on internal dynamics. The editors of this American collection help redress the balance, assembling eight copiously researched and well-illustrated, psychoanalytically informed chapters interrogating the variety and vulnerabilities of relationships that take on the mantle of contemporary marriage. This expansive book will challenge therapists of all persuasions to review their assumptions about what causes couples distress and how best to help.'

— Christopher Clulow, PhD, Senior Fellow, Tavistock Institute of Medical Psychology, London, author of 'Sex, Attachment and Couple Psychotherapy'

'There is abundant wisdom and idea-rich scholarship, features that make it a stimulating and enormously worthwhile read.'

— Robert C. Abrams, Journal of the American Psychoanalytic Association, December 15, 2025