Raising Confident Teenagers

An easily accessible and invaluable resource for parents of teenagers who want to improve the parent-teen relationship, and for professionals working with young people and their families. Packed with proven practical advice that will help with navigating those turbulent teenage years, reducing conflict, and building good mental hea

This book is about relationship, about building rapport and understanding between parents and teenagers at a stage when it’s easy for relationships to crumble or sour. It’s also about behaviour: tricky adolescent behaviour but also our own (perhaps sometimes tricky), adult behaviour. It’s packed with skills and strategies proven to help parents communicate effectively with their children and develop their confidence. It’s a book for all parents (or carers) but it’s a particularly valuable resource for those whose adolescents are exhibiting behaviour that’s challenging, or whose mental state is causing concern. Many young people are suffering since Covid/lockdown, and support services often lack funding. When children suffer, parents suffer – they too need support. It’s based on the principles of the evidence-based Take 3 parenting course, written by the author when she was employed as a parenting worker for the Youth Offending Service.

Acknowledgements About the author Introduction How to use the book Notes on terminology Afterthought 1. Why Take 3? If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got The Take 3 approach All parents are doing their best Take 3: What's in the name? A word of warning ... Ground rules Hopes and fears Self-care Practice tasks Key learning points 2. What is adolescence? If we do for other people what they can do for themselves, we can lower their self-esteem Teenage stereotypes Our own adolescence The 'tasks' of adolescence Emotional literacy Practice tasks Key learning points 3. Encouraging young people Behaviour that's noticed increases; what we pay attention to, we get more of Encouragement and praise Encouragement: What does work? Rewarding effectively Making connections Visual aids Practice tasks Key learning points 4. The power of listening A problem shared is a problem halved, so zip those lips What difference can listening make? Improving our basic listening skills Listening challenges for parents Active listening: When people have strong feelings Practice tasks Key learning points 5. Misbehaviour and listening We've got two eyes and two ears-these are much better tools for parents than one mouth Misbehaviour: Why do young people misbehave? Linking misbehaviour and listening Using active listening with young people A visual reminder of active listening Practice tasks Key learning points 6. The four styles of parenting Anything we make conscious, we can transform The four styles of parenting: An introduction The four styles of parenting: How did your parents or carers tend to behave? Effects on young people of the four styles of parenting Change Is difficult (bad news!) but possible (good news!) Body language and modelling behaviour Practice tasks Key learning points 7. Taking stock, 'I' statements and boundaries I love you enough to say NO when I know you'll hate me for it Taking stock 'I' statements: A powerful way to communicate 'I' statements: A summary 4Fs boundaries: Firm, fair, friendly fences Where to draw the line: First stage Where to draw the line: Second stage Are you prepared for a reaction? The broken record technique Boundaries: A summary and some further thoughts Practice tasks Key learning points 8. Negotiating boundaries and consequences When young people are given some say in the outcome, they're more likely to stick to agreements Typical ways parents try to change adolescent behaviour Six stages of negotiating boundaries and resolving conflicts Using consequences Why punishments don't work Family agreements Practice tasks Key learning points 9. The drama triangle, sibling rivalry, adult relationships and family meetings If we 'rescue' our young people, they never learn to stand on their own two feet The drama triangle Sibling rivalry Adult relationships Family meetings Practice tasks Key learning points 10. Teens and screens-media challenges and digital optimism Don't despair! Use your Take 3 skills to support yourself and your adolescent Introduction Digital skills and resilience More benefits of the internet Reflecting on our own and our children's experiences of media use Screens and sleep issues Risks Setting limits Practice tasks Key learning points Notes,

Acknowledgements
About the author
Introduction
How to use the book
Notes on terminology
Afterthought
1. Why Take 3?
If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got
The Take 3 approach
All parents are doing their best
Take 3: What’s in the name?
A word of warning ...
Ground rules
Hopes and fears
Self-care
Practice tasks
Key learning points
2. What is adolescence?
If we do for other people what they can do for themselves, we can lower their self-esteem
Teenage stereotypes
Our own adolescence
The ‘tasks’ of adolescence
Emotional literacy
Practice tasks
Key learning points
3. Encouraging young people
Behaviour that’s noticed increases; what we pay attention to, we get more of
Encouragement and praise
Encouragement: What does work?
Rewarding effectively
Making connections
Visual aids
Practice tasks
Key learning points
4. The power of listening
A problem shared is a problem halved, so zip those lips
What difference can listening make?
Improving our basic listening skills
Listening challenges for parents
Active listening: When people have strong feelings
Practice tasks
Key learning points
5. Misbehaviour and listening
We’ve got two eyes and two ears—these are much better tools for parents than one mouth
Misbehaviour: Why do young people misbehave?
Linking misbehaviour and listening
Using active listening with young people
A visual reminder of active listening
Practice tasks
Key learning points
6. The four styles of parenting
Anything we make conscious, we can transform
The four styles of parenting: An introduction
The four styles of parenting: How did your parents or carers tend to behave?
Effects on young people of the four styles of parenting
Change Is difficult (bad news!) but possible (good news!)
Body language and modelling behaviour
Practice tasks
Key learning points
7. Taking stock, ‘I’ statements and boundaries
I love you enough to say NO when I know you’ll hate me for it
Taking stock
‘I’ statements: A powerful way to communicate
‘I’ statements: A summary
4Fs boundaries: Firm, fair, friendly fences
Where to draw the line: First stage
Where to draw the line: Second stage
Are you prepared for a reaction?
The broken record technique
Boundaries: A summary and some further thoughts
Practice tasks
Key learning points
8. Negotiating boundaries and consequences
When young people are given some say in the outcome, they’re more likely to stick to agreements
Typical ways parents try to change adolescent behaviour
Six stages of negotiating boundaries and resolving conflicts
Using consequences
Why punishments don’t work
Family agreements
Practice tasks
Key learning points
9. The drama triangle, sibling rivalry, adult relationships and family meetings
If we ‘rescue’ our young people, they never learn to stand on their own two feet
The drama triangle
Sibling rivalry
Adult relationships
Family meetings
Practice tasks
Key learning points
10. Teens and screens—media challenges and digital optimism
Don’t despair! Use your Take 3 skills to support yourself and your adolescent
Introduction
Digital skills and resilience
More benefits of the internet
Reflecting on our own and our children’s experiences of media use
Screens and sleep issues
Risks
Setting limits
Practice tasks
Key learning points
Notes

• By (author) Rosie Hill

'This new book by Rosie Hill brings together all the original strategies and ideas from her Take 3 course, and incorporates contemporary and innovative material into an accessible and comprehensive format for parents, carers, and professionals. It is an invaluable resource to work through, have at hand, and use at your own pace. Raising Confident Teenagers is fundamentally about building and improving relationships with young people (and potentially with others!) by putting the skills she introduces into practice. It will help guide you through the often choppy waters of family life with teenagers. I have witnessed the many light-bulb moments parents and carers experience when using Rosie’s material and would urge you to read this book and experience this for yourself.'

— Sue Bidmead, Specialist Counsellor and Supervisor – Children and Young People

'I am delighted to endorse this book. I cannot stress how valuable it will be for parents and for professionals. The book is based on the author’s work which involved the development of Take 3, an outstanding parenting programme. I was involved in the early stages of development, and so I can vouch for its value and effectiveness. I have long experience in running groups for parents of young people, and I know only too well the hunger for credible and accessible information on this age group. Parents of teenagers face many challenges today, not just as a result of the increase in mental health problems, but also because of the worries about the impact of social media, and the continuing effects of the pandemic. This book will be an important resource for all who live and work with young people and their families. I hope it will reach a very wide audience.'

— Dr John Coleman, OBE, author of Why Won’t My Teenager Talk to Me?

'An excellent resource for understanding teenage behaviours and boosting relationships at home.'

— Mark Warren, Senior Family Help Practitioner, Leeds

'Take 3 probably saved my child’s life; what I learned on the course certainly saved our relationship. I needed to unlearn some of the generic bad parenting we all pick up. The course helped me understand how to communicate and interact positively with my child, and work out how to understand and communicate effectively with the child I had at that time, who was unhappy. Take 3 changed everything for us, for the better.'

— Ruth, a mum, Oxfordshire

'I found [this book] all really useful for me, and surprisingly reassuring. I think reading about parents with perhaps more difficult teenagers puts one’s own difficulties into perspective, and I should imagine others may feel the same way too. That said, the guidance is pretty universal and applies whatever the issues, and written in a way that’s easy to interpret in relation to one’s own situation. It’s really concise and practical but just all feels very supportive (unlike some self-help books which just make you feel as if you’ve done it all wrong). I also liked that it discusses the issues of families and not just one-to-one relationships between parents and their children. The overarching suggestion that one should step back from the immediate situation and take stock is very helpful, along with the self-care. I can’t wait to share it with friends who are going through issues with their kids. Basically, It’s totally brilliant and SO helpful.'

— James, a dad, Avon

'Rosie was a huge support to me when I was struggling with conflict between my two children. She encouraged me to look after myself, offered practical strategies and helped me to reflect on my parenting. I made some changes and, by the end of our sessions, the children were happier and I was happier. Rosie's support was life-changing and I highly recommend her.'

— A mum, Oxfordshire

'Excellent book. Essential reading for every parent.'

— 5-star customer review, Kate Lithgow on 03/08/2026 via www.karnacbooks.com

'This books shows people how to help their troubled child with love, not just the endless stream of bad advice other parents usually trot out. It will help all your relationships to flourish!

The course described in the book made it possible to navigate the teenage years successfully, for my family. I can’t praise it highly enough. For example, it sets out the usefulness of self care when setting an example to your child. It outlines dialogues that diffuse tendencies and dangerous situations. It explains what actually going on during rows and arguments and provides a guide for easier ways to communicate effectively. It’s broken down into manageable chunks that build on each other.

This is the best investment you’ll ever make!'

— 5-star Amazon customer review, United Kingdom, on 30 April 2025